Inherent Good?

I was reading 'Yoga Journal' the other day which is a monthly yoga magazine my mom gets delivered to our house. She doesn't do yoga, at all, but she got some deal where she had to order a bunch of magazines, so she gets it for me pretty much. I really like it because it has a lot of good articles every month which are good at making it clear how much yoga can affect you in so many aspects of life. And it always has a section where a full sequence of postures is laid out with clear pictures and descriptions of how to carry out each pose. I feel like I learn many new things each month. Of course, I am a beginner so I have a lot to learn.
Another feature is the monthly interview. It's just a short interview on the back page, usually with someone who teaches yoga somewhere in the United States. This month it was with some guy named John Friend. Apparently he developed this type of yoga called Anusara Yoga. According to his website, Anusara Yoga is "a life affirming Tantric philosophy of inherent goodness" combined with Universal Principles of Alignment. Basically, there is good in everything and everyone and all differences are accepted. I tried to add the link to his website at the bottom of this post in case anyone wants to learn more about this type of yoga practice (sorry if it's not right, I'm not so great at that type of thing, yet). It seems like a good place for beginners because it's non-judgmental and he works mostly with alignment and it seems more practical rather than super spiritual. Not to say that the spiritual aspects of yoga aren't as important, they are. I just think that some people are turned off by the religious/spiritual aspects of yoga. They think they have to change their religion to practice; this of course is not true, but I can understand where the misconception comes from.
Anyhow, clearly this guy, John Friend, believes in the inherent goodness of all things on earth and beyond. So in this interview they ask him about his views regarding all the evil shit that happens on this planet. If everything is inherently good, what gives?

YJ: With your positivity, how do you reconcile the problems of suffering and evil in the world?

John Friend: "Everything in it's essence is benevolent, good, and auspicious. But we do actions that aren't skillful. Everyone wants to be happy, but we misbehave or misspeak and cause pain for ourselves and for others. There's karma and interconnectedness, cause and effect, reasons for everything. Sometimes things seem random and unfair. The interweavings of the tapestry of destiny and karma are beyond my view. Some mysteries we don't have to figure out. We just flow with them and respond in the best ways to connect with our spiritual essence."


So, even though he's a little whoopdy di doopty or whatever, he does have a point. I think everyone, even those who seem like they don't, have the intention of doing something good. Whether it's good for just themselves, or good for the whole, is another matter completely. But everyone DOES want to be happy. And I believe we all are connected. Because everything is just energy in different forms. So we are everything because everything is energy, right? And us as individuals are too small to see the greater picture. We can't see the whole web of human and earth energy from above. If we could, if we could see the bigger picture, I think it wouldn't seem so random and mean. I think there would be some patterns and understanding. And there is a lot to be said for the actions of humans. We often DO misspeak, or misbehave, even with the best of intentions. And that does cause pain. So to eradicate pain, as much as possible, we just need to become more aware of our actions. Right?

Sorry if this whole post is a little whoopdy di doopty. But I think it is a question we all ask ourselves all the time: Why do bad, evil things happen if there is a God? And I think people like this John Friend begin to answer that question for us. Of course, it will never definitively be answered in our lifetime. Maybe not even once we die. But we can try to understand as much as possible.

http://www.anusara.com/index.php?option=content&view=frontpage&Itemid=73

Is That What Death is Like?

Over the past few days that I've been sick I've had this really weird feeling of being disconnected to my body. I was shaky and tingling as if the seam of my insides were no longer tightly stitched to my outsides. Like I was about to jump out of my skin and float away. And as I've begun to feel better I've started to feel like I'm being sewn back together. I'm more grounded and connected to the earth. And I started to wonder, this morning as I was driving back from the first walk I've had in days, is that what death is like? Is it a slow moving away from your body? Until you are completely separate. Your mind and soul are relatively intact, but they leave your body? Of course I was far from death, but I wonder if it can happen so fast that we hardly notice when we die. It's an interesting thought anyhow.

You Say My Eyes Are Crazy Eyes

After work this morning I took four of my dogs for a walk at Pisgah State Forest near my house. I don't like to take that many at a time because they don't listen very well when they're all together. They were pretty good today, though it was probably because we didn't see any other people. Sometimes that creeps me out though. This forest is 13,500 acres, 21 square miles and to get to the trail head I have to drive about three miles down a dirt road with very few houses; this makes me nervous when I really think about what it is I'm doing. I'm alone, I'm small, my dogs are small, four or not, and I'm too out of shape to out run anyone or anything, even jacked on adrenaline. I probably sound paranoid and crazy. But people are nutso these days and I don't want to be left wishing I could defend myself better.

I have friends who have had really fucked up things happen to them. Is it because their luck was bad, was it their fate to experience that pain, did they set themselves up for it by doing something stupid? I don't know. I always thought I was so lucky to have never had anything really fucked happen to me. Especially travelling across country all the time as a teenager, sometimes alone, sometimes with another young, pretty girl, maybe a skinny, tag-along, wasted boy. All the hitch-hiking and getting wasted at big, dark, loud festivals. And only a few times did I feel like I may be in danger but it always went my way, thank God. I've always told myself it's because predators look for someone they think they can take with minimal effort and that's just not me. You've seen movie scenes where someone has a gun put to their head and they're all, "Go ahead, shoot me! Motherfucker! I dare you to shoot me, I want you to shoot me!!". And the one with the gun doesn't know what the hell to do because they don't really want to have to go that far, they just want to put fear into the other, not kill them. Well, I always thought that if you could just muster a crazy more dark and deep than any your attacker may have known than you can scare them off. But that's obviously not true in a few situations, or maybe that just exposes my limit, perhaps it always works if you can go that far. Most people won't.
In the most current instance, those women didn't have time to do anything to defend themselves. What the hell do you do then?
I feel kind of silly admitting that I read The Shack after hearing about it on NPR. And I was surprised that I found it to be really helpful in understanding evil in the world. It's so easy to ask ourselves why God lets all this horrible, painful stuff happen to innocent people. But we need to remember that people have free will. I have to believe that there is not a God so vindictive and creepy that they would take pleasure from watching us inflict heartache upon one another. Otherwise, being made in the image of God, wouldn't we all find pleasure in the pain of others?

I don't know. I don't pretend to know what the fuck we are here for, or why it is so terrible and so beautiful.
Death, especially when it happens so brutally, seems so unfair, so wrong. But how can something that is everywhere be so scary? Why does it seem like we are designed to rage against death when it is inescapable? Or are immortalists on to something?

Random Musings

Hmm..I heard it may snow tonight. It wouldn't be a big surprise, it's happened before. One spring we had like nine feet of snow at the end of March into April. That winter I happened to live in this little cabin and we had to shovel about a quarter mile path into the woods to get there; so I remember the snow well that year. Even though there's no shovelling for me this year, I could still do without more snow. It does not, in fact, seem cold enough to snow. But you never know, it's always the warmest when I get here and then it gets colder and colder as the night goes on until right before the sun comes up - that is by far the most frigid part of the night.

We buried Chuck Norris at my mom's house last night. We drove down to spend the night for Easter. We had to get back for work tonight so we didn't get to spend much time there. We buried C. Norris and had dinner, fell asleep and drove back to our part of NH to dose. I had not even a full glass of white wine w/dinner and I felt so sick this morning, I puked before we drove home. I don't know why, man, but I cannot stomach wine at all these days. Especially if the bottle has been open for a night already, I'm totally in for it. And even though I am totally aware that I will be sick, I always tell myself I'll be fine and I do it time and time again, despite knowing full well the shitty consequences.

Nice, I love it when time goes by quickly at work. Of course, logically, I know that time always moves at the same pace. Putting aside logic, we all know that time most certainly does not move at the same pace. When I'm tired time seems to drag, and I'm tired tonight so it's unusual for time to be flitting by so nicely. I was reminded last night of why I am so glad that I do not live at home with my mother and three siblings. My two brothers and my sister all still live at home, and it being a Saturday night, had friends tromping in, out, and about the house until the wee hours. And they just flip on lights and laugh and shout like there is not anyone trying to sleep right in the room next to them. And it's not as if they're teenagers anymore. Well, my youngest brother Sam is eighteen so I can't blame him for being thoughtless. But the other two should be more respectful - in fact, they should have their own places by now.

Wow. This is so not at all interesting. Apparently my brother was uninvited to Easter dinner because a couple days ago he was down in Boston and he was with my cousin buying some opiate products when they were spotted by another family member. And my cousin, Hannah, had so thoughtfully decided to bring her toddler along for the ride, with no car seat, on a drug run. And my aunt, ever willing to come up with any reason to lay blame anywhere but on her own daughter, blames Scooter for bring baby Mark with them. He's not the kid's mother, or father, he has no control over what she does with her son. She's been using since way before she had Mark, and throughout her pregnancy, and never really ever stopped. Actually, the first time I ever got high on an opiate was courtesy of Hannah. Yet my extended family has always labelled me and my sibling as the "druggie" grandchildren.

I know this is because my mom is the first to wail about her problems to her sisters but they keep their lips sealed when it comes to anything that may make them look bad. And although she is quite good at passing on the bad news, she is not so practiced at spreading the good news. Everyone knows when one of us gets arrested, but don't expect to have announcements made for getting a new job or apartment, or whatnot. I guess that's just human nature, we focus on the negative and take the positive for granted.

I hate police scanners by the way. They let on just enough information for you to become intrigued and then that's it, over. You would think that they would have better communication devices for police, but these things are like archaic. They look like mini versions of the first VCR's, like something out of the seventies. All black and big-knobbed, with fuzzy, chopped up communications. And really, I have yet to understand why on earth we need one here in the "Guard" shack. We do not ever interact with the police. Do we honestly need to know what they're talking about, half-way at that? I think one of the wannabe-cop weirdos who work the day shift brought it in to satisfy in some slight way their search for power.

Nine Days To Go

Only nine more days until we can move! I am so ready to go. It will feel like a huge weight has been lifted once we leave and our dogs and belongings are no longer exposed to possible mayhem. I dread each night as I leave for work that someone will break in again, really that the same people will come again and take more stuff or hurt my animals. It will be so great to be able to just go to my yard to walk my dogs. I'll no longer have to coax them into their harnesses and stuff them in the Honda, all six of them. Of course they'll still need some sort of harness and leash at our own house but we won't ever have to worry about strange big dogs or their owners bothering us anymore while we walk.
I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open right now. But if I get caught sleeping at work there is a good chance I could get fired, and that would suck. I think all the stress is draining me. I can't sleep well lately, I feel fatigued even when I just wake up. I know I need to move around more and get some exercise to feel more awake- but it's a hard cycle to break. I really hope this funk lifts with a change of scenery.
I've even been flaky at work, especially at the end of my shift. I start to get really busy around 4:30 a.m. until I leave at 7a.m. but I've already been working for 12 hours by then and I have to type quickly. I'm generally pretty neurotic when it comes to my job. And lately it's not that I lack enthusiasm or pride in my work, my head just hurts from the stress.
Well there's nothing really in my head right now except a heavy fog and a twitch in my eye (it doesn't appear to twitch, it just feels like it. who knows?). This post is merely evidence that I am alive.
The crappiest event occurred the other day. I bought the weekend local paper, which I do only on occasion, because I was intrigued by a headline I spied. 'Body Found on Stickney Brook Road' it read. It was not long before I read further and realized the article was referring to a woman who had lived down the hall from us at the building we just recently moved out of. She lived in the building the whole time we did, almost five years, so we knew her well enough, saw her daily. She almost took a puppy from the last litter we had but she wasn't really compatible with pets so she gave her back, which I was secretly hoping she would do anyway. Even though she was just an acquaintance, it is still creepy. It didn't say much about what may have happened except that she appeared to have suffered from hypothermia. She was only in her forties and relatively active and healthy. It's just sad.
N.