Life Happens

Finally the rain has stopped falling, and the sun is out. It's soggy as oatmeal out there still, but I'm glad it's beginning to dry up. I usually enjoy the rain, the dark days, the slower pace it seems to bring; but for some reason, this latest rain spell made me feel somewhat depressed or something. I couldn't get the fire to burn well in the fireplace because all our wood got wet and a draft was coming down the chimney, along with some rain drip, and everything felt wet and raw.

I did manage to get part of the front lawn raked before the rain, but I have a lot left to finish and I can't wait to get started. I would like to have the whole thing done before my Mom gets back from her latest trip. She spends a lot more time away from here than she spends here. I'm not really sure why she keeps this house except that I think she wants a place of her own in case things don't work out where she is. Maybe she also feels like she can't sell this house because then where would we all live. It's not really her problem to provide living quarters for a bunch of adults, but it's pretty nice to have the option to live here, rather than rent some over-priced, crappy apartment. Between all of us, we should be able to pay most of the bills if everyone were to contribute. But I'm not so sure I want to involve myself in that kind of hassle, arguing with them over who owes what every month. Then I'd be forced to pay it myself if they didn't hand over their share. I'm not sure it's worth it, but I don't have to decide today, so no point in stressing over it. I have enough to worry about without adding things that don't matter today.

My brother, the older of the two, spent part of his weekend in New York again with his new girlfriend. Only this time she was sick, and she passed it to him, and he's been lying all over the house moaning and groaning and being snappy with everyone, and now we are all beginning to feel unwell. So I'm going to make homemade chicken soup tonight, with a lot of fresh garlic, and some popovers or something, and hopefully that will help bolster our immune systems. I should also get some of that airborne stuff that you're supposed to take as soon as you think you may be sick. I hate, hate, hate getting sick. I feel so useless and icky. I AM useless, and nothing gets done and it makes me feel sticky and smelly. Yuk! I really hope I don't get it. Of course, we all could simply be a group of hypochondriacs and we just think we're sick because Scooter says he's sick. Maybe he's just crashing from using too many drugs and claiming "sick" to get away with it. Who knows? We're having chicken soup either way.

I'm trying to set up a host dosing at a clinic in Westport, CT so I can help my Mom this weekend at the furniture/fabric store she runs with her boyfriend. She needs help setting up an eBay account and learning how to use the computer. So I figured I would go down there to help her out with some stuff for the weekend to try to make up for some of the help she's given us lately. I do a lot around the house but she generally pays my brothers to go down there, so I know they need the help. Of course I don't expect her to pay me because I owe her a lot more than I could make in a weekend no matter what. But the clinic in Norwalk, I guess, is having an issue with my non take-home status. Because I refuse to stop smoking weed, I don't get take-homes. I have to drive to the clinic everyday to get my dose. That is my choice. I smoke weed and I accept the consequences of doing so in our society, in the current climate which does not entirely accept the smoking of marijuana. Don't I have the right to believe that some laws are not logical? Or have, perhaps, been designed to benefit a certain sector of the business world and are held in place by financial pressure from big business and the governments that work hand in hand to promote such underhanded tactics. Don't I have the right to argue against laws which seem to cause more harm than good to our society? I think I not only have a right, but I have a responsibility to rage against the machine.......

.....And basically, this is where I was in my thought process when life happened today and I was forced to carry on with the things nobody wants to do but everyone (almost) has to do. Brothers, roommates, mothers, everyone needs me to do something for them. As usual. So first I needed a shower, then to the bank, grocery store, home, and I've already made mini mango tarts, cupcakes, and homemade chicken soup. I'm awesome. Especially for someone raising a family who never had kids or got married. I received an instant family.

Random Musings

Hmm..I heard it may snow tonight. It wouldn't be a big surprise, it's happened before. One spring we had like nine feet of snow at the end of March into April. That winter I happened to live in this little cabin and we had to shovel about a quarter mile path into the woods to get there; so I remember the snow well that year. Even though there's no shovelling for me this year, I could still do without more snow. It does not, in fact, seem cold enough to snow. But you never know, it's always the warmest when I get here and then it gets colder and colder as the night goes on until right before the sun comes up - that is by far the most frigid part of the night.

We buried Chuck Norris at my mom's house last night. We drove down to spend the night for Easter. We had to get back for work tonight so we didn't get to spend much time there. We buried C. Norris and had dinner, fell asleep and drove back to our part of NH to dose. I had not even a full glass of white wine w/dinner and I felt so sick this morning, I puked before we drove home. I don't know why, man, but I cannot stomach wine at all these days. Especially if the bottle has been open for a night already, I'm totally in for it. And even though I am totally aware that I will be sick, I always tell myself I'll be fine and I do it time and time again, despite knowing full well the shitty consequences.

Nice, I love it when time goes by quickly at work. Of course, logically, I know that time always moves at the same pace. Putting aside logic, we all know that time most certainly does not move at the same pace. When I'm tired time seems to drag, and I'm tired tonight so it's unusual for time to be flitting by so nicely. I was reminded last night of why I am so glad that I do not live at home with my mother and three siblings. My two brothers and my sister all still live at home, and it being a Saturday night, had friends tromping in, out, and about the house until the wee hours. And they just flip on lights and laugh and shout like there is not anyone trying to sleep right in the room next to them. And it's not as if they're teenagers anymore. Well, my youngest brother Sam is eighteen so I can't blame him for being thoughtless. But the other two should be more respectful - in fact, they should have their own places by now.

Wow. This is so not at all interesting. Apparently my brother was uninvited to Easter dinner because a couple days ago he was down in Boston and he was with my cousin buying some opiate products when they were spotted by another family member. And my cousin, Hannah, had so thoughtfully decided to bring her toddler along for the ride, with no car seat, on a drug run. And my aunt, ever willing to come up with any reason to lay blame anywhere but on her own daughter, blames Scooter for bring baby Mark with them. He's not the kid's mother, or father, he has no control over what she does with her son. She's been using since way before she had Mark, and throughout her pregnancy, and never really ever stopped. Actually, the first time I ever got high on an opiate was courtesy of Hannah. Yet my extended family has always labelled me and my sibling as the "druggie" grandchildren.

I know this is because my mom is the first to wail about her problems to her sisters but they keep their lips sealed when it comes to anything that may make them look bad. And although she is quite good at passing on the bad news, she is not so practiced at spreading the good news. Everyone knows when one of us gets arrested, but don't expect to have announcements made for getting a new job or apartment, or whatnot. I guess that's just human nature, we focus on the negative and take the positive for granted.

I hate police scanners by the way. They let on just enough information for you to become intrigued and then that's it, over. You would think that they would have better communication devices for police, but these things are like archaic. They look like mini versions of the first VCR's, like something out of the seventies. All black and big-knobbed, with fuzzy, chopped up communications. And really, I have yet to understand why on earth we need one here in the "Guard" shack. We do not ever interact with the police. Do we honestly need to know what they're talking about, half-way at that? I think one of the wannabe-cop weirdos who work the day shift brought it in to satisfy in some slight way their search for power.