Friday, January 15, 2010

Blah, Blah, Blah....not much of nothing.

Over in Chesterfield, NH we only had access to dial-up Internet. That must sound crazy to some people. I realize that now that we are living in an area where everyone has wireless Internet. This is the first time I have used the computer here in Exeter, NH, at my Mom's house. It's really fast. Cool.

It's been a really, really long time since I last posted. Sorry, I know that can be annoying even if I never really have much to say. It makes people worry that something bad may have happened, like an accident or overdose. I know it sucks to leave huge lulls in communication. But I do it to people all the time. Friends, family. I haven't e-mailed my Dad in months. It's terrible. I keep telling myself I'm going to write him TODAY. And then I don't. I just get so caught up in the daily grind that by the time I think of it again it's the next day and I'm in the car, nowhere near a computer. And then before I know it I'm falling asleep and then it's the next day again.

We've been moving from Chesterfield to Exeter the last week or so and it's been typically hectic. Anyone who has ever moved knows what that's all about. The packing and hauling, the driving back and forth, having to scrub the empty apartment when all you want to do is say "fuck it" and leave all the crap you don't want. Don't worry, we didn't do that. In my opinion, we left it in quite nice condition. Especially since we own so many dogs. But the landlord was well aware of that fact when we moved in. It was one of the only ads we saw allowing dogs, that's why we ended up there at all. But anyway, we're done. Well, for the most part. We have some stuff that was outside and it'd frozen to the ground for now. He said we could get it in the spring once everything thawed. So that was pretty cool of him. I'm glad that the main event is over anyhow. Now I can try to make my space here as livable as possible.

Mike and I are currently living in the basement of my Mom's house. We have begun to remodel it so it will eventually be a small apartment. It's not really my plan to stay here for very, long so ultimately it will probably end up housing one of my siblings. I really hope we're not here more than two years at the very, very most. Not that I don't love my family, I do. It's just that I haven't lived with them for many years now. I went away to school when I was thirteen and lived there for two years. Then I lived at home for a year. But a little after the beginning of my senior year, when I was seventeen, I moved out again. This time though the environment was far from rigid and controlled. I moved in with my twenty year old boyfriend and I've pretty much been on my own ever since. I came to stay at my Mom's a few times over the years, but never for more then a few months at the most. So this is really huge for me to admit that I need my Mom's help to get anywhere in life. Mike and I are at the point where we are living week to week and can barely make ends meet, nevermind save any money. And then I made the stupid decision to take the dumb job and really fucked us up. So we either had to move here or go into serious debt. And we're hoping that living here will enable us to save some money and eventually open our store.

But my Mom needs a lot of help because she isn't really all that healthy and all my brothers and my sister and her boyfriend live here too. And my siblings don't work. So she totally takes care of all of them. So living here means I have an obligation to do what she asks of me. But it's a lot because I end up taking care of everything when I'm here. And now she's been staying with her new boyfriend for weeks at a time and leaves the house with everyone here. And now that I'm living here I've been made responsible for the household account to buy food and stuff for my brothers and the rest of us too. So even now I feel super rushed because I have to go to the store and buy hamburger to make a shitload of shepherd's pie for dinner. There are six of us. I actually like taking care of people to an extent but not when it's not appreciated and simply taken for granted. And they don't seem to realize that I need some time to put my clothes away so I can find my stuff. Any way.

I want to try to get back on here later tonight to see what everyone has been up to. But I really need to get my ass in gear right now.

3 comments:

Jeannie said...

It takes months for me to start worrying about missing people. I generally don't fear the worst - I just figure they have better things to do than waste time online.

As for moving back to your Mom's - as long as it doesn't drive you nuts with what amounts to babysitting (although I'm sure they'd all be terribly offended at that), I hope you can save money. It's what our son did and he has now bought a house with his gf. We offered our other son the same opportunity as he's having a tough time since his gf moved home. He would have the basement pretty much to himself (as long as I don't move all my crap down there first). It's a good plan if you can handle it. I wish you all the best. Have you found another job yet?

Nellie said...

It's so good to hear from you Jeannie- I love it when people are understanding about life taking over. I stopped hanging out with a girl I really liked in so many ways because she was so overbearing in that regard. She would call multiple times a day and if she didn't reach me, she would stop by my house and knock frantically at the door. I never talk to her anymore because it drove me crazy.
Anyway. I haven't found a new job yet but I should have one very soon. We're living off Mike's unemployment right now and that doesn't leave much. I still pay for my methadone and we give my Mom a small amount of rent every week, so I need a job fast in order to save anything. I'm going to a temp agency on Monday -Tuesday if it's closed for Martin Luther's King Jr's B-day. So I hear it's usually a relatively quick process going through an agency. We'll see though, I guess.

I really don't want to work more than three-quarter time so I'll have time to work on making the basement a real living area.

I'm glad you have let your kids do the same thing with you. It seems like it's becoming more and more acceptable for kids to live with their parents even into their thirties. It's really hard to save up, like you said, without helping each other. It gives me hope to know that your son bought a house after living with you.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Great to hear from you, Nellie! I really hope the situation works out for the best and people don't rely too much on you.

Love you,

SB.

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