Well Hot Damn! It took, like four -five hours maybe to get this shit up and usable. Torrential rains, poaching access off downstairs neighbors (they know about it okay all you flippen goody two shoes out there so don't have a cause.....oh, I mean cow), all proved very difficult to get an available connection. But here I am despite all odds. And even then it's only cuz we borrowed the laptop we bought my boyfriend's son for x-mas cuz it's the only chance we have to use the internet except when he's here on weekends. Bet ur all so darn happy to hear from me. Gotta give all the haters out there something to bitch about.

I realized I fucked up after my last post. I only talk about myself and generally only when I'm pissed. But my boyfriend read it and pointed some things out to me that I do agree with on many levels. I should try to make the time to write about all the blessings in my life. I have a lot to be happy for. All the things I bitch and stress about are superficial things. All the things that truly matter I have those in riches. I have a man who loves me more than I could ever expect anyone to ever love me and I'm lucky enough to have him be a man I feel just as strongly for. How many people can even say that at all? How many people go through life never, ever finding real, honest, all-consuming love? I think it's more than we realize, or want to think about cuz it's sad. But not only was I blessed to find him, but I have my two brothers and my mother who support me throughout everything. I have a nice apt., although I do really, really dislike my roommate...more on him later. Right now I'm trying to work on a project and it's late and I have court in the morning.

But I want to make it clear that I use this blog far too often as a place to simply bitch. Most of the time I don't mean it, I'm just venting. Like last time....I made J sound awful, and he's not! He's amazing and beautiful and my best friend. I should stress that more and not only talk about when I'm mad. Sure, we have drug problems and we egg each other on. We can be a little poisonous to each other when it comes to using. But the most important part is that we both want to be clean, we want to have a family, and we're working really hard to get it together. I'll write more later...but everyone should know the love I have for him, he's the best lover I've ever had and makes me feel better about myself than anyone else ever has.