I'm here. I'm alive. Just grumpy lately. I've been losing myself in books the past few nights. Easier than being in my own head. Some days I have plenty of energy and my mind glides smoothly from thought to thought. And others I wake up angry and frustrated and I do not fully understand what causes me to be one or the other. I don't know until it is.

I hate being cold. I hate being hot. I want to be the perfect temperature all the time. I want my skin to be dry and my fingers not cold to the touch. But that will never happen.

I've been dreaming about homemade blueberry pie for weeks now. But there is only one blueberry bush in our yard and I never seem to be able to pick quite enough to fill a pie plate. I'll have to go to another blueb spot. I almost made it the other evening but it became dark so much faster than I planned. I could not make out the color of the berries any longer and it would have been a violetberry pie. If it were edible at all given the fact that Mike was away all weekend and I am a disaster in the kitchen except on the rare occasion something comes out great.

My cat, Reggie, died. It really sucked. I don't really want to detail it too much but I think he may have choked. Blue tongue. I cried a lot.

The times between dark and light are the best times. dawn or dusk when it's not night anymore but net yet day. The air itself seems to be thicker and tinted blue in the morning and green in the evening.