My Sister is Crazy...and making life Really hard.

No time to write Anything! Ever! Living here is crazy. There are benefits but it IS in return for biting my tongue every second of every minute that my sister is in the room. And we are forced to be subjected to her craziness, anger, and malicious comments. My mother won't let anyone say anything back to her because it just makes it worse. I will try to write more later when I have a minute. I have to sit down in the basement and keep watch on the dogs and our belongings while my sister supposedly gets all her crap out of there. She's only had four years - but she has to do it NOW don't you know. If she had it her way, I would have had to get up from my hot breakfast and let her down there IMMEDIATELY. She wants what she wants, and she wants it NOW! Everything has to be an argument. Unless you are handing her money, you are an asshole out to get her. If she were not mu sister, Oh man, I just don't know what I would do. Certainly I would start by eliminating her from my life. Until later....

Blah, Blah, Blah....not much of nothing.

Over in Chesterfield, NH we only had access to dial-up Internet. That must sound crazy to some people. I realize that now that we are living in an area where everyone has wireless Internet. This is the first time I have used the computer here in Exeter, NH, at my Mom's house. It's really fast. Cool.

It's been a really, really long time since I last posted. Sorry, I know that can be annoying even if I never really have much to say. It makes people worry that something bad may have happened, like an accident or overdose. I know it sucks to leave huge lulls in communication. But I do it to people all the time. Friends, family. I haven't e-mailed my Dad in months. It's terrible. I keep telling myself I'm going to write him TODAY. And then I don't. I just get so caught up in the daily grind that by the time I think of it again it's the next day and I'm in the car, nowhere near a computer. And then before I know it I'm falling asleep and then it's the next day again.

We've been moving from Chesterfield to Exeter the last week or so and it's been typically hectic. Anyone who has ever moved knows what that's all about. The packing and hauling, the driving back and forth, having to scrub the empty apartment when all you want to do is say "fuck it" and leave all the crap you don't want. Don't worry, we didn't do that. In my opinion, we left it in quite nice condition. Especially since we own so many dogs. But the landlord was well aware of that fact when we moved in. It was one of the only ads we saw allowing dogs, that's why we ended up there at all. But anyway, we're done. Well, for the most part. We have some stuff that was outside and it'd frozen to the ground for now. He said we could get it in the spring once everything thawed. So that was pretty cool of him. I'm glad that the main event is over anyhow. Now I can try to make my space here as livable as possible.

Mike and I are currently living in the basement of my Mom's house. We have begun to remodel it so it will eventually be a small apartment. It's not really my plan to stay here for very, long so ultimately it will probably end up housing one of my siblings. I really hope we're not here more than two years at the very, very most. Not that I don't love my family, I do. It's just that I haven't lived with them for many years now. I went away to school when I was thirteen and lived there for two years. Then I lived at home for a year. But a little after the beginning of my senior year, when I was seventeen, I moved out again. This time though the environment was far from rigid and controlled. I moved in with my twenty year old boyfriend and I've pretty much been on my own ever since. I came to stay at my Mom's a few times over the years, but never for more then a few months at the most. So this is really huge for me to admit that I need my Mom's help to get anywhere in life. Mike and I are at the point where we are living week to week and can barely make ends meet, nevermind save any money. And then I made the stupid decision to take the dumb job and really fucked us up. So we either had to move here or go into serious debt. And we're hoping that living here will enable us to save some money and eventually open our store.

But my Mom needs a lot of help because she isn't really all that healthy and all my brothers and my sister and her boyfriend live here too. And my siblings don't work. So she totally takes care of all of them. So living here means I have an obligation to do what she asks of me. But it's a lot because I end up taking care of everything when I'm here. And now she's been staying with her new boyfriend for weeks at a time and leaves the house with everyone here. And now that I'm living here I've been made responsible for the household account to buy food and stuff for my brothers and the rest of us too. So even now I feel super rushed because I have to go to the store and buy hamburger to make a shitload of shepherd's pie for dinner. There are six of us. I actually like taking care of people to an extent but not when it's not appreciated and simply taken for granted. And they don't seem to realize that I need some time to put my clothes away so I can find my stuff. Any way.

I want to try to get back on here later tonight to see what everyone has been up to. But I really need to get my ass in gear right now.