Thursday, January 20, 2011

F the privatization of prisons and the inhumane treatment of inmates

As usual, as of lately, it's been a while since my last post....but such is life. Too much shit, too little time to deal with it all. Been spending a lot of time up North where there is no wireless

My new boy is in jail and probably going away for three years at least. I guess I should have known that would happen. I knew he was on the edge but I was not paying attention to what was really going on cuz I was in my own world. And then it happens and I wish I had convinced him to leave the state when I could have. But I went up North cuz I'm a coward and I wanted to be taken care of and feel safe and I let him feel left behind and abandoned and now he's going to prison. I suck. Mostly because I haven't wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with him in almost nine years. Sure I've had Mikey but it wasn't like that. With what's his face I can hardly be next to him without wanting to drape myself upon him in a way that makes as much of my skin come in contact with his as possible. I picture his hands, his face, his voice every morning and every night and most minutes in between. I've written three letters in as many days and I haven't done that since high school when my then boyfriend got kicked out for cheating on a test, from me, who was way more stupid than him. Anyhow, I feel like I'm seventeen and totally in love for the first time. It's ridiculous.
I've bailed quite a few folks out of jail in my life. I've been there myself on occasion. But jail and prison is NOT the same thing. Once you really care about someone who is caught up in the system and is going to prison for several years or more you really begin to realize how fucked the system is. When you are a prisoner they basically take away all your rights. You are owned, an object, you are not allowed to be human anymore. Did you know that masturbating in prison can get you put in the "hole?. It's public indecency since you're never alone. They can't smoke, they can't get fresh air, they don't eat right, they can't feel safe for even a moment, they can't communicate with most people, they can't vote, travel anywhere outside of the country ever again, they can't support their families, they have to become something else, something cold and hard that doesn't feel the same because it's the only way to get by. But then when someone wants to help them from the outside, suddenly their rights are of all importance. No, we can't give you that information because you care and want to help. No, no, we uphold human rights only when it gives us the upper hand. I can't even visit him because I have a dismissed drug charge from over ten years ago. I don't even think he can put me on his phone list because I'm a bad girl, thank god I'm a bad girl, I'd hate to be good. Because don't you know, only the good die young.
I know it's probably hideous to the mainstream drone but I'm giddy because I got a message from him the other night. I got a call from some kid who was like, "you don't know me but my cousin is in a cell with what's his face and he wants me to give you a message". I was like, in my head of course, "Hell, yeah, I'm getting a secret message from my hot ass felon boyfriend from the inside. That's so Goodfellas."
Yeah, yeah...fuck you too. You'd want to fuck him too, trust me.
Anyway, I'm sure if they'd let me on his list he would have just called me himself. Cuz my brother's friend who was in jail for a few months said he once used used his calling privileges to call someone for someone and he made him give him two candy bars, a cup of soup and some other shit. So at least I know I'm worth the trouble of ten dollars worth of contraband. Or at the very least an ass whooping, cuz the kid seemed a little shaky. And what's his face is a big dude and already did a nine year bid. Plus he's pretty convincing when he wants to be.
How can someone be in jail for "receiving stolen property"? How is that his fault? Someone else stole something, gave it to him, and it's his bad? WTF???? I haven't talked to him yet...court date is in ten days, but who's to say the cops didn't put in ipod in his pocket and say he "received"it? Huh?

Fuck that.

12 comments:

Jeannie said...

Must be frustrating. I didn't know people with ticks against them couldn't visit prison. But then, I never had to visit prison. Or even jail except to drop off or pick up a friend who was serving weekends for DUI.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Life is hard, isn't it? You know I love you.

Hang in there.

SB

Stark Raving Sober said...

I like the book America Anonymous, too. Hope you find your way - good luck.

Cinema Man in the 21st Century said...

Do you realize how good a writer you are? I am in Melbourne, Australia, and I feel like I know you as a close friend. You are VERY talented.

Maureen said...

Nellie, Yeah, jail sucks! My youngest son works for the jails
I mean the system & now he thinks he would rather HELP people. Take are of YOU! YOU will make it!
Remember, I am here if you want to "talk"
Blessings
Love,
Maureen
Life isn't fair & it is very hard at times. Pray, I do & it does help, me anyways. I need help too

Robb said...

I been hiding for a long bit. Nice to see you still kickin round the blog. I got mine back up on my website. Finally...

You be a strong girl. And no matter what you think, say or do, I believe that you have it in you to get clean. And stay clean, and really really see how beautiful life can be without using drugs.

Ah well, I got faith in ya to do whatever is right for you today. It's all that matters. Love ya!!

Keep The Faith*

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Okay, it's been too long. I'm starting to worry. Where the hell are you? What's up?

Love,

SB

Maureen said...

Nellie, Where are you? We are worried!!!!
Love,
Maureen

El Hombre said...

Has ANYBODY heard a word from Nellie? It's been over nine months since she last posted.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I will always wonder what happened to you and what's going on with you. I miss you. Please email me at ugadawg1@woh.rr.com, if you get this.

Love,

SB

Robb said...

Hey, sweetie! Just to let you know that I (and, obviously, everyone else here) care about you.

The world can be a pretty ugly place sometimes, but there are some bright spots along the way. Look at all of us for some of that.

Love ya, girl! Come on back to us!!

Keep The Faith*

DM said...

The system really is fucked, and I don't mean just corrections, but the courts, drug courts, corrections, as well as the private drug screening & treatment industries.

VV is the shit

VV is the shit
We all have to love VV