Same Old Tirade, Different Day....

Nothin' like a little AC/DC at 8am, right? Well, maybe not for everyone. But my asshole, self-absorbed, baby-neglecting upstairs neighbors should have thought about that before they blasted shitty, old Nelly hits all afternoon directly over my sleeping head. They know damn straight that I work nights, therefore sleep days(at least until the end of the week I still do). They are constantly doing things that make clear just how thoughtless they are. And it was just enough to push me into some good, old-fashioned revenge. All you Anons out there can't bitch about revenge, isn't that a concept highly supported by most, if not all, organized religion? I understand that it's daytime, the acceptable time for most people to be awake. Because I make an unconventional choice in working nights, I have to be willing to make sacrifices and be somewhat flexible in my requirements for sleep. But these people are constantly making noise at a level that is well above and beyond normal noise. Either they're the most clumsy-ass, butter-fingered doofs in the world or they just throw shit on the floor all the time. Now, I admit, I've thrown shit at people in my life before. I've thrown plates, full cans of soda, rocks, sticks and I don't know how many personal items of my own that I will regret forever that I broke. But I mostly grew out of it as I got older, certainly that's part of why I put off having kids...you know, until the rage simmered down a bit. And mine has, like, improved about eighty percent. But I don't even throw this much crap. I definitely haven't broken anything of my own in a few years, thankfully. I have the money to re-buy tv's and shit. They don't seem to smash big stuff like that, it seems like maybe just like a purse or book sized item, maybe. And then the floors are paper thin. So I'm sure they can hear me bitching about them, I don't really care because it's stressful for me to have someone selling drugs above me. I just want the benefit of being able to decide when to surround myself with that shit. I hate having it pushed in my face when I'm not prepared. And because it's looking like I'll probably have to wait for my tax return until I can afford to buy a car and get my own apt., if he shoves it in Mike's face it affects me too. Ever since I found out he was going to start selling that shit my stress level has skyrocketed. Mikey's always bitching about it or saying he wants some. He hasn't used yet but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. And I hate that shit. I've only ever really thought I might die when I was doing coke a few times. That shit can get scary when you're booting it. I want nothing to do with it. Mike can do what he wants once I'm not living here, but until then...not cool.

(Aside: Jesus, I just applied a face mask. And the f'n thing is kind of not as much pleasant as a violent assault on the senses. There, like, alcohol in it and it's making it very difficult to breathe in my small bathroom. I need air.)

I know I sound like a whiny ass pussy right now. I am ,basically. I really don't want to work another night at that stupid job, I just want to chill and get my shit together for my new job. I've worked there three days but start full time on Dec. 7th. I actually really like it. The owner is definitely a little weird, but maybe he'll grow on me when I'm not so nervous about just starting and having to make a good impression. I haven't really even spent that much time with him yet. He wasn't there on Saturday. I worked with the produce manager, an older, maybe in his sixties, man who seems picky and old-fashioned but very, very nice. He is obviously a hard worker who is also, probably, extremely reliable and trustworthy. And then there is a girl/woman named Eva who is a produce worker. She trained me so far in the produce area. She just recently graduated from Keene State, as far as I've can gather from the snippets of conversation we've been able to have while working. But so far I really like her. She's calm and easy-going, and down to earth(which is totally cliche, but whatever). She's easy to be around which is important if we're going to be working together. I get along pretty well with other women in most environments like work or school. I try to be a girls girl, as opposed to the type of woman who will ditch her girlfriends for a guy. I know some people who know me will say I haven't always lived up to that ideal, and I'd have to admit they were right. But I really try. When I've let the girls down for a guy, though, in my defense, it was always a guy I really, really loved, not just some passing fancy. I'm not sure that really makes it okay. But anyway, my point is that she seems the same way. I'm a pretty good judge of character. I generally know when someone is shady or not. I don't always make the most thoughtful decisions regarding such people, but I always know when I'm taking a risk with someone. The only other person I've worked with is a general worker named Peter. Also, from the little we've spoken, I think he also just graduated from Keene State. Both of them are able to be teachers, but work at the health food store instead. I guess I have to understand that because I could see myself doing the same silly thing. At least they're only in their twenties. Here I am, thirty years old, almost thirty-f'n-one (I feel so freakin OLD!) I know I'm not really that old (especially considering people just keep living longer and longer these days) but I could be a lot healthier and a lot more accomplished by now.
But anyhow, Peter trained me on my very first day on which we were directed by the Boss Man to put away a grocery order together. He showed me the general layout and where to put stuff and find stuff, where EXACTLY (and this is very important, per Boss Matt, that price stickers are placed in very precise locations on each product. He wants the customer to have to pick up the item to find the price. He claims that once they have the item in their hand, that's half the battle of getting them to make the purchase. I disagree, I hate having to search for a f'n price tag. Do they want to sell shit or play games? WTF?)to put the price tags. Of course I did as I was told as if it made all the sense in the world. Peter is generally pretty agreeable, I can't complain about him as a trainer or co-worker unless of course, dear readers, you can understand how uncomfortable it can sometimes be to work in the company of an absurdly good-looking man. I mean, he's like, Calvin Klein underwear model good-looking. He's tall with almond eyes and light brown hair. It's not normal for someone to be that unnaturally hot. It's just not right. Of course he has a girlfriend, who is probably stunning and tall and athletically slender. And she probably has perfect skin. I'm jealous of her and I don't even know her. How lame is that? But, of course, I promptly told him I lived with someone so he didn't feel uncomfortable. I mean it wasn't the first thing I said, obviously, but I did not flirt or in any way act inappropriately, nor will I ever. I will only admire from afar. Besides being painfully self-conscious and shy with hot men, I would never move in on a taken man unless it was totally, undeniably meant to be. But that doesn't stop my palms and pits from sweating when he leans across me to place a tub of oatmeal on the shelf. I'm sure I'll get ahold of myself over time, as the reality of how far fetched a fantasy it is to think he would ever be interested in me anyhow. Talk about beauty and the beast...

Anyhow, I'm really happy to be working days, normal length days at that. We have every Sunday off I guess. I thought it was open, but I guess that was just the Sunday before the holiday last week, which is why I was confused. So that's cool. Although I would work whenever, just no more third shift. There's at least a bathroom and reliable heat. And people to talk to. And a discount, twenty percent, which is pretty generous really. So I've already started buying some of my food there. I hope to eventually get most of it there. I used to be so concerned with my health, I was so fit and healthy until about five years ago. With the addiction and the methadone, I just got lost and stuck and unhealthy. I need to find my way back to my original values, at least the ones that were positive for me. I hat being fat. I'm so unhappy. Not that I'm all that fat compared to the general public. But I feel like shit. And I know why. I eat like shit, sleep like shit, and generally neglect my health. That being said, I need to suck it up and go make my breakfast/dinner and get some sleep. I promise to make an effort to write more as my life calms down and gains some semblance of normalcy.

I want to write about this book I'm reading which is making me consider becoming a vegetarian again. At least all but on special occasions when I know the meat came from a local farm where the animal was also butchered locally by someone I know, so I know that the animal wasn't tortured. The meat industry is seriously Fucked! But that's for another post.

Despite all my bitching and complaining, I know I'm taking steps in a better direction. I'm at least putting myself in a job where I can make new friends and I'm not totally isolated, Mikey's little mommy/housekeeper/cheerleader, anymore. I won't be so drained by my job anymore that I can't even consider looking for ways out or signing up for classes. I will be able to actually take classes soon. I can walk to the campus from my new job, so I could take some evening classes. I also want to take yoga classes after work. I've been looking into possible classes around town, there are plenty, but my stupid job interfered with them. Well, not anymore. I am definitely on a better track than I was, anything would be better than that place, almost.

Sorry if this was a crazy, all over the place rant that made no sense. It's what I do best.

I'm sorry I haven't responded to individual posts like I normally do. I'm totally sleep deprived, frantically hemming my new pants last minute (only short people know what I'm going through, nothing fits!).
still have to shower....shit!

Yippee! I got the Job!!!! Thank You!!

Well, I don't know how you guys did it....anyone who knocks the power of group prayer is just whack.....because I got the job!!!! Thank You! Although I really hope SB's roof did not cave in in the process!!

I'm sorry I made you all play the waiting game w/me. I so thought, after the interview, that I had it in the bag pretty much. But then the guy didn't call, like, for days. And I figured maybe someone said something crappy about me or something. That sometimes happens, you think someone is your friend, or that you got along with an employer and it turns out they secretly hate you. Well, actually, that only happened once and I was too hurt and shocked to ever ask the person what the hell happened(a story for another time. If I don't hurry this post along I'll be in the emergency room for burning the skin off my upper lip with Nair. oooh, gross, I know). But I guess the guy just takes his sweet ass time making a decision. But good things come to those who wait. Does is matter that I couldn't eat or sleep while waiting? No.

I'm going in tomorrow to work some training hours because I can't start full-time for two weeks because I need to give notice at my other job. But I'm going to see what it's like tomorrow just to make sure there's not something about it that I hate before I ditch my other job permanently. I'm sure it will be a better fit for me than where I am either way. But the owner, Matt, the one who hired me is a little off, I guess you could say. He's nice but seems VERY picky and manipulative. But those are not necessarily traits I can't work with, I mean, can't we all be that way sometimes. He is not paying me as much as I thought he would either. In the interview he said I would be making more because of the responsibility, but now he wants to only pay me eight-fifty until he "sees what I'm capable of". That is fair as long as once he sees I'm good he doesn't play games with me, putting off paying me what I'm worth. I'll accept it until I'm trained but if I'm doing ordering and having that type of responsibility, I think I should get at least the ten I was making before. I just hope he isn't taking advantage of the fact that I'd do almost anything to not have to work nights anymore. Oh, well, I'm not going to stress over it too much because even if he sucks after all and the pay is crap, at least I won't be giving myself cancer from fucking up my circadian rhythms and lack of sunlight, not to mention the massive exposure to exhaust fumes for twelve hours at a time. I think it's really important to support small, privately owned health food stores, so at least I can have pride in what I do.

Anyhow, sorry I was avoiding posting. I was SO embarrassed thinking I didn't make the cut as a frickin grocery stocker/cashier. What a loser!!! I was telling myself that I was just too lazy to post but really I didn't want to admit, publicly, that I was a failure. It's not as if I was applying to work for NASA, you know? I guess that makes clear just how paranoid and self-loathing I truly am.

Thank you all for your positive thoughts, I do really believe there is power in positive though, or prayer if that suits you better. I think the guy was on the fence about me, and whatever pushed him over to me side...I'm grateful. I think this job has the potential to improve my life. On that note, I'll finish up right now because I need to get ready to go to TJ Maxx to get a new outfit for my first day at my new job, well, sort of first day anyhow. Oh, think of all the excuses to buy new clothes!! And I might get my nails painted. I'd like a haircut but I'll probably need to make an appointment somewhere.

Yippee!!! To!!! Me!!!

Everyone Pray for me that I get this new Job, Please

So, I dropped off my application/resume the other day at the health food store. I met the owner and we spoke for a few minutes. It was really busy so he said he'd look at my info and call me if he wanted an interview. I felt pretty sure that he'd at least call me for another meeting.
So today at one I did have an interview. This time we sat in his office and had a pretty lengthy discussion about my experience working in health food stores and on farms, my schooling, my ideas about what makes a good working environment, and what his expectations would be if I got the job. It lasted almost two hours. He said it was a record for him. I think that has to be a good sign. I think we hit it off pretty well and would probably work well together.
I thought I was applying for some cashier job or stocking shelves, taking orders. But he wants me(if I get hired) to be a buyer for the grocery department; making sure all the regularly stocked items aren't getting low, and then on top of that I would be researching new products and designing end caps to display some of the new items. It would be like a dream come true for me if I really get hired.

Anyhoo, I have to go to the store w/Mike so we can get Italian ice. He's been sick all day and can't eat anything but popsicles and ice. He ate all my tangerine pops. I'll elaborate more on the job later. But a plea goes out to all my(very few) faithful readers: Please pray that I get this job, it would change my whole life for the better.

So, I've sort of mentioned how I'm looking around for a new job. I hate to give up benefits and vacation time, but the negatives far outweigh the positives in my current job. I didn't finish college so I only have an Associates right now. That is about as good as having a high school diploma, really. I'm qualified to do nothing. Unless someone wants to pay me big bucks to read to them, I'm really good at that. Yeah, didn't think so. So I'm basically stuck working retail or service jobs until I catch a super lucky break and/or finish school. I don't mind too much as long as my employer treats me with respect and I make at least ten dollars an hour to start. I don't think that's asking a lot.
So I found a job opening at a local health food store. And if you have to work retail, those are the places to do it. The people who open small, local privately owned health food stores don't usually do it to get rich. They usually do it because they care...and a lot of them are already rich I've noticed. So generally the atmosphere is really laid back and the customers are happy because the people who shop there are generally rich and therefore more relaxed than the harried regular guy. Or you get the poor, idealistic students and crunchy types. But all those people are much more pleasant to deal with than your average consumer. I've worked at three health food stores in my life, all privately owned and very small. Two of them were the best two jobs I've ever had. I would still work at either one of them if they weren't in such weird towns I don't live in anymore. I've never been happier than when I worked at those stores.
So, obviously, I want the job. It would be SO, SO much better than where I work now. The HF store is open from, like, 10-6. My job now consists of three twelve hours days, 7pm-7am, and one six hour day, from 7pm-1am. I hate it. I hate the long days, I get no sleep. Then I'm so tired on my days off, I'm practically useless until Saturday and then I'm right back at work the next day. I have no time to exercise or spend time outside. And I'm on the opposite schedule as Mike and that only complicates matters in a one bedroom apartment.
I'm going to that health food store first thing in the morning with my resume. I am not taking no for an answer. They HAVE to hire me. I have experience with natural foods. I know organic produce, I spent years working almost year round on an organic farm. I'll work every weekend, weekend shmeakend, to me, it's all the same. I have a ton of customer service experience, I can work a register, I'll stock shelves, clean bathrooms, sweep sidewalks, I'm easy. I just want to work somewhere where they consider me a human being, not a number, a machine, or worse, just one small component of their great, big, corporate robot.
I want to enjoy going to work. I want to feel like I'm at least somewhat contributing to the greater good. Rather than sabotaging it like I am by working at a trucking company.
Then, if I get hired, I can give my notice and my new boss can take his forced Christmas hours and.....well, he can work them himself. So there.

I'm relaxed alright, maybe a little too relaxed........

One of my biggest issues is lack of sleep. So I thought that maybe if I got some calming tea and drank it before bed in the morning I would sleep better. So I found some nice, flavorful tea in the natural foods section of my market. And while I was there I was perusing some of the items and remembered Melatonin helps sleep cycles also. So I got some of that too. So this morning right before getting off work, around five a.m., I drank a cup of the tea. That was relaxing. Then, around ten or eleven, maybe, I took the melatonin. And within a half hour I was nodding out while trying to read my book. I slept more soundly than I have since my drug induced days. Only problem is, I only had about five-six hours of sleep time. I'm not ready to wake up yet, AT ALL! I feel sleepy, oh, so sleepy. I think I may fall asleep sitting up at the desk. That would be bad. I think I'll try to keep using it though because I'll probably get used to it. And I'll just try to take it earlier too. Because if I could sleep that well everyday, it would be a miracle.
As far as supplements go, Omega oils have helped me a lot too. If I take at least two a day, I feel pretty calm and together. But if I forget to take them for a couple days, I get so irritable I could punch a hole in a punching bag. I don't know why it has this effect on me, but it does. And it helps my skin, hair, and nails a bit too.

But a warning to all....make sure if you take melatonin that you give yourself at least eight hours to sleep. Or else you'll be like me. Looking like a relapsed H addict nodding out onto the desk at work. Wouldn't want that, although I feel veeeeeryy caaalllmm........

Support International Squatting Rights!!!!

http://www.answers.com/topic/squatting-2


http://www.squatter.org.uk/



Around here, almost any road you drive down, you will see at least a few abandoned homes along the way. Some are probably for sale, but others have been unoccupied for years and years. It's so frustrating that houses are so expensive to own and so difficult to get loans for, and rentals are so overpriced and shabby, and all along the roads of rural New England are safe, comfortable homes with no one living in them.
( Now I realize that many folks will be all up in arms at my next statements. I must say to them: think what you want, but unless you have something truly thoughtful and constructive to say, please refrain from commenting. I am not interested in the thoughts of people who are too cowardly to publicly stand by their opinions. You are a waste of space, a dismembered idea floating through cyberlives, you're iceberg lettuce - as in what's the point? So please....spare me.)

I support the rights of squatters. I think that if someone is not going to care for a home, and spends so little time in a place that they don't even notice people living there for years and years, then maybe they don't deserve to own it. Some squatter activists like to say that we are all descended from squatters, and in one way or another that's probably true. In the 1800's there were significant laws passed in the US for homesteaders. Homesteaders were basically squatters. They simply had to make it out west, stake out some land, and build a 12x14 ft home and then manage to stay alive for five years. At that point they could petition for legal ownership of the land. I just read about it on answers.com, seriously. I wonder what's up with those laws today?

From the little bit that I've read about squatting movements so far, it seems like it's pretty prevalent throughout the entire world. Especially in really poor countries, obviously, people build huge communities of hand built shacks without the permission of the owner on which such communities are built. There are famous squatting communities all over the world, it's actually pretty amazing. I'm really hungry right now, so I'm doing a sort of half-assed post but count on hearing a lot more about squatting in the future. Because it's my new favorite idea.

They have their own symbol which I, unfortunately, cannot put online right now due to more Internet-at-work difficulties. But count on seeing that soon, too.

Anyway, I'm all about squatting as a political statement and simply to fulfill a housing need. Maybe if more people were willing to risk the certainty of comfort and predictability in order to fight for the basic ability to have a fair access to safe, affordable housing, our nations would not get away with charging such high prices for something all people should have - a realistically affordable housing option. The fact is that it is becoming really difficult for people in low income brackets to own homes, and rental prices are soaring. If these people could obtain a mortgage, the costs could conceivably be much lower than renting.....

But, I need a break from thinking of the housing issues of the world. I'm so lucky to have such a yummy dinner tonight. It must suck not to be me right now....especially if you are model-thin and deprive yourself daily of anything delicious and fattening. In that case, you probably really wish you could eat my fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, squash, and my second attempt at pecan pie which came out much better than the first. But I'll probably never weigh under a hundred pounds ever again and you will probably never stuff your face with solidified corn syrup mixed with nuts. Oh, well....

Summer in November

Wow. It was almost like summer today, it was so warm and sunny. I planted some bulbs in my yard, I don't think it's too late, they should be okay. Some crocus, tulips, and daffodils. I love flowers, how typical is that? Does anyone actually dislike flowers? I mean, really, what's not to like?

Another super long night at work. I want a new job, but man, it is hard to find much out there these days. Especially for someone who does not have extensive education and piles of degrees. I really need to finish/continue school.

I have a serious lack of places to sit in my apartment. I think we have, maybe, three chairs. And the dogs take over the bucket chair and it smells like dog and no one wants to sit there, understandably. I've been looking into getting some new chairs because I think it would make all the difference. I want big, cushy, super comfortable, could-fall-asleep in them chairs. You can find some okay ones for a couple hundred bucks online, maybe after Christmas. I've noticed that as I get my apartment organized and livable, Mikey and I get along better. It's really distracting and stressful living amongst massive clutter. Because it seems to be having a positive impact on my life, it makes me want to make it nicer and nicer.

Up until I got really addicted to dope and thought of nothing else, my apartment/living space was always clean and organized. obsessively so. Then I guess I just stopped caring and it became a nightmare. the worse it got, the less I wanted to deal with it. So it went on like that for about five years. And then I got "clean" and I was embarrassed to have friends over and it was clearly making me crazy and constantly stressed to have my living space in such disarray. And so I've been systematically throwing away everything that is old or I no longer use and it's awesome!

So tonight I brought the last of my piled up bills with me to work. I have so much down time I figured I may as well utilize it for my own benefit when possible. Maybe then i won't resent all the time I have to spend here quite so much. I figure I may as well fill up their trash with discarded envelopes, eh?

Can't wait.

It's amazing how simple things like good socks and shoes and the proper snacks and lots of variety make a night of work seem not so crappy. Maybe I'm just pathetically easy to please. Food and shoes, how lame.

Corporate Greedsters....I hope you choke on your money

I know I complain a lot. I know it's because I did a really bad job of making good choices when I was younger so now I'm paying for it with a life that amounts to barely scraping by and hating most of what I have to do every day. I love being alive when I can enjoy the good things in life, like food, comfort, friendship, animal companionship, and outdoor adventure. And now that I know what I should have done to create the life I wish I had, I'm trying to do that stuff now, but it's harder as you get older to finish school because you still have to pay rent and eat and all that stuff. So I see all these years stretched out before me where not that much changes and I'm still just stuck.

I'm in a really bad mood right now. I'm having female issues and there's no bathroom in the stupid shacks they make us work from - well, there's a bathroom in the back shack but not in the front. So when you have to go to the bathroom, you have to walk about a half a mile to get there. There is also no reliable heat and hardly any insulation so it gets really cold. Then you turn on the heat which blows really hot air right on your head and back until it feels like you're being roasted alive, so you turn the heat off and get cold sweats. Or you can sit with the heat on and the window open until someone comes by and bugs out about wasted energy.

I wish I could have a job that consisted of standing up for what's right in this world. I wish I could feel like I had some way or ability to change all the fucked up shit in this world. Or at least feel like I was trying to change things. Working at a fucking trucking company, I feel like I'm just exacerbating certain issues like poor fuel economy, high food prices, and pollution. Not to mention, by working at a company like this and not standing up for my rights it's as if I'm condoning the way they treat their workers. And not just us security guards, everyone in the whole warehouse except those at the very top get treated like they are no different than a truck wheel or a power jack.

My boss told me last week that he could "force" me to work mandatory overtime on Christmas week. I'm not scheduled to work Christmas. My family lives three hours away, I've already made holiday plans - unless he's going to tie me to the fuckin' chair and puppet my hands across the friggin keyboard - nobody FORCES me to do anything. Nobody but myself can force myself. Is it 1772? Am I a slave? An indentured servant? NO, NO, and NO!!! So Force? I don't think so. I, on the other hand, can force you to fire me and then I can force you to pay me unemployment while I sit at home and half assed pretend to look for a job while I really sit around and watch movies and smoke up all day long. I can force HIM to work Christmas when I call from Boston on the morning of and say I am not going to make it. More money, more responsibility. If no one takes the overtime, it's his responsibility to work the shift, he's the supervisor, I didn't take the f'n job. He's the one who decided to okay someone vacation time over the holiday before making sure it could be covered. Fuck him. This job is not worth it. I only see my family on the holidays. I look forward to it so much. Not to mention my mom is highly emotionally unstable and I am NOT telling her I'm not coming after I already told her I was. This is not a career for me. I can get a ten dollar an hour job anywhere. Sure, I like working alone most of the time - but I'm sure I can find something else where I'm alone a lot only during the daytime, and no holidays. I'm thinking of volunteering at a local humane society until I get my feet in the door, and then maybe when a paid worker quits I could get a job there. I would love, love, love to work with animals. I prefer animals to people more than I should admit.
Fuck, I could work at a gas station and it would be a lot less grief than this. When you don't love what you do, and when a job is not a career, and the pay is shit - it's probably not a good idea to attempt to leverage me with threats. Is he f'n crazy? Then he tells me because I don't have kids I should work the holiday. Can you say "Sue your pants off, asshole?" That's a lifestyle choice I have made consciously. The planet is overpopulated with kids whose parents suck at raising them and I'm going to be punished for opting against adding to the problem? Why not just say all gay people have to work holidays since they shouldn't have kids anyway? Why stop there? What about old people - make them work, they're useless anyway, right, corporate greedsters? Isn't there some sort of organization I can report this place to?

At least OSHA would probably have an issue with no bathroom available to us out front, heat that breaks all the time when we have to go out in the rain and snow. No hazard pay for working nights, outside in inclement weather. We never get safety bonuses like the rest of the warehouse. We have to work alone, in the dark with strange men coming from all over the country. I'm sorry, but I don't think it's asking too much to be compensated for all the risk we encounter. I also don't think it's out of line to want to work in a place which provides the basic necessities like bathrooms and heat. Right in our handbook and on signs all over the facility they claim to provide a safe, healthy, comfortable, and productive working environment. I don't feel safe, it's certainly NOT healthy, absolutely the opposite of comfortable - all of which lessens productivity.

On top of all this, they threaten to fire you if you look into unions activity at all. Human Resources works for the company, not the employee so how, really, am I supposed to feel protected by them? What recourse do I have? Is quitting or getting myself fired the only way?
I know it's not but I just don't know where to begin or if it's even a battle I want to fight. One shitty job is not so different from another shitty job while all I'm trying to do is work my way to the other side of shitty jobs and shitty life altogether. I've aways been a proponent of surrounding oneself with people you want to be like. I really, really don't want to EVER be like any of these people. I do not want to be a corporate slave drone all my life and I won't.