Sunday, January 4, 2009

Nobody Ever Said There Would Be days Like This...

Maybe they mentioned it and I just don't remember; what my memory serves up is that my parents tried to make me and my siblings think life was a fairytale, at least at first. When we were little, and I think a lot of parents do this, they tried to shelter us from all the shit which must have been hard at first before they had a lot of money and we lived in East Cambridge when it wasn't so posh as it is now. Don't get me wrong, by the time I remeber anything we were probably better off then a lot of American families, my father did very well starting his own public relations firm. But when my parents got divorced we sort of got a crash course in the way most of the country lives and my life has stayed like that since. I wish they had had the gumption and forethought to really talk to us kids. I hope if I ever have kids I can speak frankly with them and I pray they understand things that I was so naive about until I experienced them by accident.

I love my parents and I would never trash them for the things they did. Everyone always does their best even if their best sucks. Ten years ago I would not have had such feelings and this blog would get shut down for the anger that came from me I imagine; but eventually we have to realize that life happens the way it does for a reason and we're all just human and we all have no idea why we are here and that's confusing and makes people do strange things to try to figure it out or forget about it - but it seems like no one really wants to talk about it - and for me that's a big reason I love heroin is that it makes those questions seem a lot less terrifying. Nowadays I even feel love for my dad who has pretty much gone his own estranged way since I was sixteen or so; I can't say I feel no resentment towards him at times, but it is no more than I feel towards myself for all the bad decisions I made. Point to all this rambling: PARENTS, talk to your kids, not in metaphors or by skirting the true issues, it will keep them more connected to you. And don't check out, ever, not until you die, they need your support. If my parents had not got divorced and been so busy with their own pain to see ours perhaps all four of us would not have become drug addicts, then again who knows.

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VV is the shit

VV is the shit
We all have to love VV