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It must be because of the holiday weekend, but the truck yard is deserted tonight. There are no workers in the warehouse loading boxes because they worked during the day instead. Which means I had a few blessed hours alone, without Mike, before I had to go to sleep before work tonight (because Mikey works in the warehouse). I like working on nights like tonight because I don't have to do much of anything. There are hardly any interruptions in my blogging, reading, or watching old episodes of Friends on my laptop. But it is very creepy with no one else about besides the other guard down at the other end of the yard, and she is smaller than me. On quiet nights I know there are no managers and I can get away with smoking outside the shack without having to watch out with a paranoid eye.
Although our facility is notorious for employing felons and drug addicts, they frown upon doing drugs out in the open, at least nowadays. I guess back in the Good Ol' Days they used to smoke weed inside the warehouse while they worked, and do lines right off their jacks. Putney, Vermont, which is right up the road was featured in High Times back in the seventies, I heard. But recently I guess they even fired two guys to make an example out of them when they were caught smoking a jib outside the freezer, so I have to be careful. But I just can't go the whole night without smoking. I get nauseous a lot and smoking helps more than anything. Plus I like to smoke before I eat, and it also helps my eyes relax when I've been up too long and keeps me from getting headaches. I know that sounds ridiculous to a lot of people. I'm sure many would say that if I stopped smoking herb long enough, I would be able to eat, sleep, and relax just fine without it. Well, I don't care because it works right now. If it ain't broke, why fix it?
In fact, it's getting to be about that time. After one or two it'll probably start picking up as the drivers start to head out with loads for Monday. So I usually get my last smoke in around now and eat 'lunch', which I'm not sure can really be called lunch when it's eaten in the middle of the night.
And....I'm safe. I made it. Stoned, content for where I am, and ready to eat a crappy, microwaved lunch of macaroni and cheese and peas. I know it's not the healthiest, but it was the easiest to get together before work tonight since there was no food in the house besides pizza bagels which I had all last week. I'm really picky about what I eat, I know that. Mike gets really annoyed because I will never eat what is around and handy, I have to eat what I'm craving at that moment. And it's not generally simple things like mac & cheese and pizza bagels. It can be anything from beef stew to Spanikopita. So most days we stop at the grocery store on the way home from the clinic and we get whatever we want for that day. But then when we don't get to the store, there's nothing but a weird mix of vegetables and leftovers in various stages of decay. I know that it's a terribly inadequate system, I'm just bad at changing it. Every so often I decide we are going to go food shopping just once a week. So we go to the store and load up and all kinds of stuff, a few kinds of meat, eggs, milk, bread, juice, veggies, yogurt, applesauce, crackers, popsicles, rice milk for Mikey, cereal, all the basics and then a bunch more crap we don't need. And I keep telling Mikey not to worry that we're spending so much because it will last all week and we'll spend less than we do when we come every day. But then after about two days I begin to wonder what we actually bought that cost so much, where was all the food we got the other day?
See, it seems like when we have more food in the house, we eat more food. If we buy cookies, thinking we'll pack them for a snack at work, we end up eating them all because we usually don't have that and it's like we get crazed for the cookies. What is the point of this, I'm babbling, it's late and quiet, I'm stoned and because I'm eating I'm thinking about food. Besides the diet and weight loss fanatics out there, who the heck really cares what anyone eats or buys at the store? I mean, really?
I know it's not a good idea to blog about places of employment or fellow employees. But it's hard when so much time is spent at work. I suppose I really could get fired for writing that I smoked on the property, of course it's all a crazy made-up lie and everyone knows that so really there's nothing to worry about.
Honestly, it would suck to get fired from this job. I've only been fired once before in my life. It was a few years back when we were still using heavily, I got a winter job at the Putney Inn in Putney, Vermont. It was a crappy, part-time job but there's not a lot to choose from in a small town in the winter, so I took what I could get. I worked every summer then at Walker Farm and I always hated having to find a job to get me through the winter until they opened again for the season. So at this inn, I didn't have to be there most days until about two which was perfect because it gave me time to drive to the city and cop and make some money to go back the next day before work. And I only had to work four to six hour shifts most regular, non-holiday nights so I could make it through a whole shift w/out booting up. Generally they just had me greet people which is not what I applied for. I know I'm not a people person and I don't know why the owner wanted me to do that job because I made no pretense that I thought I would be right for it. I had applied to be a housekeeper. But she was like, 'No, you have such a friendly face and you're obviously intelligent. I want you to work in the restaurant'. So finally on New Year's Eve, I had to work really late clearing tables and crap and I admit I was wicked high. But I swear I was doing my job just fine. I've always been a hard worker. Like I said, it's the only job I've ever been fired from, and I've always done drugs, ever since my first job when I was, like, sixteen. But anyway, this manager woman who I suppose didn't like me, probably because of this girl Lisa who had introduced me to Chris Wayne who robbed me &mike of ten lbs of weed a year or so earlier also worked there (but that's a whole different story), anyway she told on me. rated me out to the owner. Who fired me.
She did sit me down one day and said we had to have a serious talk. I was nervous because I didn't know what it was about and when she asked if I smoked weed I started laughing, maybe because I was relieved but also because I never understood what upsets people about it so much. She was obviously taken aback and frustrated by my reaction. I said I wouldn't smoke weed before work anymore if it was that big of a deal. She said it was and asked if I was on anything else. Clearly I said no. I didn't smoke before work anymore, not right before work anyway. But I rarely smoked at all when I used dope, I was generally high enough most of the time and since I couldn't afford both, I chose the one I liked better. Of course I was still shooting up before work.
I really think I wouldn't have been fired if I hadn't known people I worked there with from the past. Lisa was one of the first people I did Oxy's with a long time ago and there was history there. And she had worked there before I did. I know they ratted me out because it generally takes a dope head to spot a dope head. I'm not talking living-on-the-street, junkie style addicts, but the working, functioning-well-enough addict. A lot of addicts I have known were really hard workers. The only thing that could come between them and their obligations for work or family was the need to avoid being sick. That's how I was. Really cool until I didn't have H. And then I'd drive a hundred and ten with no license, puking and shaking if I had to.