Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Methadone Worries

When I first started this blog, my intention was to write a lot about the methadone program and particularly its shortcomings in an effort to spread awareness. But I sort of became sidetracked with getting to know what blogging was all about. But as I've spent more and more time on here, I'm getting to know what's out there and how stuff works. I'm hoping that with time I will find my niche and what works and what doesn't will come easily. I intend to write more about my difficulty getting off M-done. I'm still at 30mg but I plan to go down next Wednesday, my last day of my work week, and I'm wary because I didn't have a great success the first time. I promise I'll keep posting about how awful I feel and how miserable it is to be an addict in a time when fellow man feels obligated to dictate what I put in my body, and therefore makes me feel pressured to adhere to social norms even if I would rather not. It's hard to say what's worse sometimes. Being sick when you can find or afford your fix. Or pretending that the world's okay without it at all.

PS to all the people that commented early on, I'm sorry I didn't always leave a reply, I wasn't sure how you were supposed to answer people. I thought maybe it's best to use the comment box, or maybe I should just address them in next post. I didn't know what the deal was. So I promise it was not that I was not interested in feedback. On the contrary. So please leave comments, I promise I'll reply now that I know that's the forum in which to do so.


Jeannie said...

Hi - thanks for popping in and commenting. I don't always respond to comments - I don't always know what to say - or know if people come back to check if you did (because usually, I don't). Sometimes I'll respond in another post if a question comes up numerous times.

Sorry to read that you are struggling with things - seems that we all are to some degree but the struggle is more intense for some.

Daisy Kate said...

Hi Nellie :) thank you for following my blog and commenting! I'm not very knowledgable of drugs, but from reading books about addicts I understand that it is a huge struggle to come off it, and I really hope you succeed, I suppose you have to really want to come off the drugs to be able to. I read ; I'm not sure if this may help, and please don't think I am grouping you together because of your addictions, I just find his writing inspiring and perhaps it may help you.

In reply to your comment, after a two year long abusive and controlling relationship, I finally managed to escape into the arms of my current lovely boyfriend. My ex had never allowed me to wear anything but jeans and hoodies, and over the past two years of being with Craig, my boyfriend now, my wardrobe has lost all jeans and hoodies (apart from when I wear his!) and I feel SO liberated and well, normal at having what I feel is a luxury to wear whatever I want! How crazy is that haha. Getting into fashion has made me find and reinvent myself over and over again, I love how different I can look from day to day, just depending on what I wear and how I wear it. eBay is great for the occasional bargain, but be sure not to pay over the odds for topshop things as many people will bump up the prices! Oh and Nellie, I've heard over the grapevine (is that even the phrase haha?!) That there is an online store for the US now, free delivery for orders over $100, so you can get the real dealfor cheaper than eBay! :) Keep in touch, and I really hope the treatment works out for you.
Kate - ♥

Nellie said...

Jeannie - Thanks for taking the time to stop by and leave a comment, I appreciate it. I read an article about '24 Ways To Attract Readers' and the number one tip was to read and respond to your comments. And as I spend more time getting acquainted (I think I spelled that wrong) with blogs I'm beginning to agree that comments are what blogging is really about; that is sharing and commenting.
Therefore I think that if we read something that we feel relates to us, or in some way incites passion, we should respond. In a lot of ways it makes me think of a global classroom discussion. So that being said, although I may have only some things, if only one or two, in common with most of the people on here; if I can find connection or learn something new I'll be happy. Thanks Again.

Nellie said...

DaisyKate - Thank You also for stopping by. I appreciate you leaving a comment even though the whole drug thing may be a bit of a turn-off for some, it's not the whole of who I am. I actually think I may have ended up linking to your site through Shane's (Heroinhead). I agree that he is a very talented writer with some valid views regarding addiction.
I know my recent post was all about methadone but it's mostly about getting off because I've been on it for so long, basically in the methadone world that's the same as clean (except it's not at all, you realize when it's time to get off). But I am ready to move on with my life. In that sense I totally understand what you're saying about reinventing yourself through fashion. I'm trying to do the same thing. Shed the jeans and hoodies of my days as a full out drug user and find a new, fresh style that makes me want to succeed in new avenues of life. Please stop by again, I promise it won't always be all whining and drugs :)

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