Sunday, October 18, 2009

Lazy Sunday

Ahh, quiet. Alone. Peaceful. Mikey has left to drive my brother home. I would have loved for him to stay longer but he had to get back to watch the house while my mom is away for a job. It's nice having people around to break the tension between me and Mike. He and Sam really like each other, they are very similar, and they love to hang out. It's nice to see them having such a good time together. It takes the pressure off me for Mike to have someone else to spend time with. I try to encourage him to cultivate more friendships but he's really bad at putting in the time it takes to be a good friend. I am too. But I use writing and reading and walking the dogs to let out my frustrations. I feel like he just uses me.

Unfortunately we only have the one car so he has to get back to drive me to work tonight. I am going to try to get a ride with my neighbor but I don't want to just assume I can ride with her. I mean she's going there anyhow, but I know how it can be annoying to fit another person into your getting to work routine. I do give her gas money and I give them weed to smoke when we have extra. So she probably will not mind as long as she's not planning to call out or anything.

I tried to avoid the inevitable eye puff from my crying last night. Man, I hate crying. But it just comes out like vomit sometimes, no stopping it. I used a cold washcloth over them, I put eye cream on several times, I tried not to fall asleep right away because for some reason that always makes it worse. Yet still I was forced to wear my sunglasses out of the house despite the gloom. I didn't want people to think I thought it was Halloween already and I was wearing a puffy eyed mask. Don't want to scare any children.

I can't believe the weekend is over already. We were scrambling around since Thursday to get ready for the stupid festival so it seems like I just haven't had any time to really chill - because I haven't. And now back to work. And Mikey doesn't understand that it's really annoying to watch him do whatever he wants, sleep whenever, blow glass for a few hours, and then mess around on the computer for a bunch more hours, go to some crappy fast food joint and begin it all again. And I'm a bitch because I get frustrated. I swear I don't yell at him or cuss or name call. I'll get home from work in the morning and say something like, "Aw man, you didn't have time to do those dishes you promised you'd do? It's really hard for me to have to do all that stuff and go to work. I don't get any sleep, Mike. Can you please help out more during the weekdays, I can't do it all my self. I'm not the maid." And I shit you not, his response will go something along the lines of, "Shut the fuck up! Why do you have to yell, you're such a fucking bitch. I said I'd do it later." I used to get really, really mad at that shit. But now I'm just trying to tell myself it will be over soon and some other poor girl can deal with him.

For some odd reason I keep have these waves of nausea. I couldn't eaten anything bad, I hardly ate anything yesterday. And I admit I drank some champagne when I got home last night to help me relax. But I only had a couple glasses. I'm not a big drinker but two glasses of bubbly shouldn't make me sick, eh? Either way, I'm going to try to walk it off. Dogs need a walk anyhow and I want to take them out before this precipitation really starts to fall. I can't tell if it's rain or snow.

Sorry about all the bitching lately. I feel like people can read it or not. It's not forcing a poor friend to be subjected to it because they don't want to be rude. That's why I like blogging. It's like talking to friends but it's not. People only read if they want to. And I figure even if nobody but me ever reads it, it still is a chronicle of my life which I'll probably enjoy looking back at one day. I just need a place to vent sometimes.

If I don't get back here today...everyone have a lovely, lazy Sunday.


Jeannie said...

Take care of yourself. The flu is going around again. Everyone here has been touched by it. (Hope you're not pregnant - doesn't sound like a good time for that)

I think men are generally shitheads. They don't view housework as work because it used to be that women did it which meant it wasn't important enough for the men to do so they simply don't bother. They know that if they leave it long enough we'll do it - they'd rather suffer us bitching than get their hands wet. Funny how we are the bad ones when they don't do their share huh?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I'd be pissed too. Men are always like that. We are so lucky to be liberated! Now we get to work full-time and take care of the house and kids and/or pets. Isn't liberation great?

I'm glad to be single. At least I don't have to hear some man tell me that it's HIS HOUSE when he gets angry.

Love you.


Nellie said...

Thanks you guys, It's so good to feel like I'm not the only one who sees it this way. Women sure do take on a lot.

Jeannie - I would be so horrified if I were pregnant. But luckily I know with utmost certainty that it's not a problem. You have to, you know, actually have sex for that. And Mike is either secretly gay, finds me disgusting, or is asexual. Of course, sex was never the strongest link in our relationship, but the complete lack of it is one of the biggest reasons I need to move on. Generally it's the man complaining the wife won't have sex, it's the opposite in our case. He tells me he thinks I'm too fat all the time. I used to be really skinny before I got on methadone. I did gain a lot at first, but now I'm back to 130ish and still losing and he still thinks I'm yucky I guess. Screw him. But at least I'm not knocked up, Thank God!

SB - liberation, smiteration. We screwed ourselves. You're right in that we're expected to do everything around the home, take care of kids, AND have full time jobs now as well. Great, awesome, a real step forward.

Even renting, we don't even own..and Mike and I argue and it's suddenly HIS apartment, HE makes more money, HE could afford it alone and I can't, the car is HIS...Oh, God, I'm so sick of hearing it. As if I've been sitting here on downy clouds eating key lime pie all my life while he toils away for my well-being. HA!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I SO TOTALLY was where you are now. Very similar situations. I sat on the fence for a long time (years) before I moved out. I will always love my ex, but I only wish I had done it sooner.

Luck and love to you,


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