Man, am I beat tonight. It's going to be all I can do to stay awake through the night tonight. Long, long night it will be. I've got my Turbo hot for the first part and some obscenely large "energy" drink for the wee hours, but I'm not sure there is anything short of bathtub crank that could keep my eyes open for the long haul. The shoddy, forced hot air, eyeball parching heat they've got going on in here doesn't help matters. I haven't been here for even a whole hour and I'm seriously dreading the hours and hours which remain spread out in front of me like a vast ocean impossible to cross. If I'm feeling this faded already, what is three am going to look like?

Three and a half hours down......only eight and a half more to go....

There is simply no finding comfort tonight. I turn the heat on and it gets so hot I begin to sweat. I turn it down, just a smidgen, hardly at all, and suddenly I'm freezing. There are several things I should be getting done tonight while I am stuck here, but I can hardly lift a finger without feeling like I might fall over with exhaustion. I just want to take my pillow (which, yes, I do have with me), put it up on the desk and rest my head until I'm snoring away. Except I don't think I snore.

Just past one. Only half way through. Ugh! Rapidly approaching the long haul of the evening. The wee hours of the morning before the sun rises. The coldest, darkest part of the night. On the very last pages of my easy, scary book. I never thought I would like a book like the one I'm reading. But one night at work a couple months back I had nothing to read. So I picked up a book my co-worker was reading. and even though it creeped me out, I couldn't put it down. Much like it is with any gruesome sight, it is hard to look away.

It is raining now. A cold, steady rain. And another three hours until I get a ride home from my neighbor who works with me. I usually change my clothes before I drive to the clinic, and today I will certainly find something cozy to wear after being cold and wet for so many hours over the night. Besides, I hate wearing my security uniform in public. Mostly because I don't feel as if I really represent that position very well when I'm at a methadone clinic dosing. Also, we're not really security guards. We're more like gate keepers/receptionists. In addition, our uniforms consist of law enforcement issue, black, balloon pants with ankle drawstrings and bright, bumblebee yellow jersey shirts with the word security on the back in black. And then on top of all that we have to wear neon orange traffic safety vests so we don't get hit by a truck, hopefully.